International Self Compassion Day -2025-(July 19-2025)
In Kristen Neff’s book on Self Compassion she lists Common Humanity, Self Kindness and Mindfulness as three components of Self Compassion and also gives interesting exercises on being average which brings to focus the competitive nature of our culture, how the pressure to be better erodes the fun in just being.
So, as part of this exercise of being average, I went for a walk by the Humber-Etiune Brule -Old Mills, had a cheese tuna sandwich at Caldense Symington and a small coffee at the Tim Hortons on Bloor with three trusted fellows-spiritual fellow travelers.
We are just average persons in Greater Toronto Area-GTA, getting along in our lives. Each relationship has taught me some nuances of day to day life, enriched me and helped develop a deeper understanding of our shared journeys.
In this blog will tell of some lists, some talks across the world and my experiences in interrogating the Satipathana and Anapanasati Suttas which have helped further my mindfulness practices.
Common Humanity: Our shared walks in North Africa
As part of intentionally reaching out, had a talk with a fellow traveler, a South Asian who has lived and worked in the Arab world. We had spent almost a decade together in Tripoli, walked together during the 40 year celebrations of Gaddafi’s regime and then witnessed first hand on the ground the revolt in the 42nd year. I remember the day he and another fellow traveler sat together for a dinner which I had imagined would happen soon, after the intense fighting would stop. Our journeys together helped me see the way he has imbibed humour to lessen the pain of forced internal migration from his homeland Kashmir. Navigating the medical world in different continents have helped him see what is possible, where we have dilemmas and how to negotiate with persons in power.
Self Esteem: Readings by the Humber, Lake Ontario, Rouge and the Zoo
Sketch Studies, Mindfulness walks in Nature and Discussions in Cafes
Does one matter? Am I a 5/10 or more when it comes to having a positive effect or less? (10 being yes I matter). These questions by Neff made me recall some walks I had in the zoos of Tripoli in 2009 when I told my sons about Thoreau’s Walden pond and the principles of Objectivity, Simplicity, Self Reliance which guided Transcendentalists like Emerson, Thoreau, Alcott (author of Little Women).
Doing readings together, keeping notes, and engaging in a reading group, imbibing the lessons into a reading journal are part of my family legacy, passed on to me by my parents, grandparents and uncles, aunts, sisters. Following this, it gave me immense satisfaction to read about my son’s recent visit to Walden pond where Thoreau stayed in the mid 19th century.
This morning, on International Self Compassion day- went through some works of Kiran Desai-Inheritance of Loss, and reflected upon the relationship between the Judge (Jemmubhai), and the cook, who asks for punishment for his wrong doings, how his orphaned granddaughter Sai tries to intervene. Set in the backdrop of the Gorkhaland movement, the novel follows the stories of Biju, the cook’s son as a worker in the restaurants of New York City and his interactions with other Indian diaspora from different continents. The Indians of East Africa have a different way of relating to India, USA.
Going by the reading journals and discussion groups I have had over the decades I would give myself a rating of over 5/10 in whether I mattered to my groups, family in this aspect.
Mindfulness: The Breath as a Gateway to Satipaṭṭhāna and Ānāpānasati
We Are of a Tribe by Alberto Rios
The dream of sky is indifferent to all this,
Impervious to borders, fences, reservations.
The sky is our common home, the place we all live.
There we are in the world together.
The dream of sky requires no passport.
Blue will not be fenced. Blue will not be a crime.
Look up. Stay awhile. Let your breathing slow.
Know that you always have a home here
Was guided by an experienced practitioner on how the breath is the gateway to both Satipaṭṭhāna and Ānāpānasati the intention is different. In Satipaṭṭhāna there is mindfulness with letting go , non attachment and the structure which gives grounding at each level. The sutta has seven spokes at levels of body (anatomy, elements, death), feelings, thoughts and principles. Ānāpānasati moves from long and short breath awareness to whole body awareness and calming.
Other practices I use to ground are
(a) Metta- thank each part – from the other, thank the short breath, send loving kindness to any painful sore part of body
(b) Mentors- invoking the spirit of Individual mentors . Invoking the spirit of the Sangha
( c) Mending my ways- the amends steps of 12 step spirituality.
Reference
Neff, K. (2019). The yin and yang of self-compassion: Cultivating kindness and strength in the face of difficulty. Sounds True.
Download Worksheet on Self Compassion
EARLIER PERSPECTIVES
EXPLORING COMMON HUMANITY- THROUGH READING JOURNALS
2025-JUNE- INHERITANCE OF LOSS
2014-FEB : REMEMBERING CHARLIE ANDREWS
12th February is the feast of Charlie Andrews, the Christian missionary and close friend of Mahatma Gandhi. Viewed by some scholars as the alter-ego of the Mahatma, C F Andrews went on to do things in Fiji and Caribbean which Gandhi himself could not do physically. In Richard Attenborough’s “Gandhi” there is a scene in which when CF Andrews comes to bid goodbye, Gandhi says-..(paraphrased) –Between us there are no goodbyes. You will always be with me in my heart.
2009-FEB- REMEMBERING ANSAL ADAMS
“I believe in beauty. I believe in stones and water, air and soil, people and their future and their fate.” This was the personal philosophy of the great American photographer Ansel Adams whose birthday falls on February 20. He developed the zone system, a way to determine proper exposure and adjust the contrast of the final print.
Candlestick Counselling and Psychotherapy Services 