Around Father’s day,(2025) I went for lunch with a mentor, fellow traveler and confidante who has taught me many things over the years.
One of the things he helped me conceptualize is the “Lizard”.
“ I have a lizard in myself, which tells me that these programs of recovery, therapy, 12 steps, meditation and gratitudes are not going to work for me. The lizard takes me to dark places, which sabotage my safety, serenity and self-worth.”
Mevame Again
We sat at Mevame again (Rutherford) and discussed things which we would not discuss in a recovery meeting in front of others.
Many years ago, a senior fellow told me that though the fellowships are supposed to be anonymous, within six months, people know many things, so one should be discrete as to what one shares.
Father’s Day walk
We went through the intergenerational issues, as he recalled his earlier years in Toronto, having been put in grade 3 instead of grade 5 where he should have been. The next year, he got a double promotion, as he did well academically.
He showed me a panorama of what life was in Toronto- Don Mills area in the 1950s/60s when he went to school. We got to current issues of his wife’s trip to Australia, how the lives of his daughters, the way their marriages have evolved has affected him and his sense of family.
Life in America-(From Number our Days- Barbara Myerhoff)
We discussed Number of Days, written by the cultural anthropologist Barbara Myerhoff, who studied a community of elderly Jews in the mid 1970s. This pioneering ethnographic work is an intimate chronicle of the lives of elderly Jewish Immigrants in Venice, California, particularly those associated with the Israel Levin Senior Center. Her work weaves storytelling, anthropology, and reflexivity to illuminate how identity, memory, and community persist and adapt in the face of aging, loss, and marginalization.
Application
In my work with marginalized and minoritized communities, I have worked with elderly persons from the Jewish community, South Asian and Asian elderly persons and also their caregivers. Caregiver burnout is an often neglected aspect which hurts the family dynamic.
Every Object has a story- the work of Sara Angelucci-
Creative solutions: Needle and Thread
God’s greatest invention
A little needle
Humble, bright and quick,
A gift to Eve
To make us clothes,
She sews and takes us
From animals to people.
In Paradise what are we?
Pure nature, without inventions.
Not yet born,
Until a needle
Makes us into me.
“These are a tailor’s words. The poem, you see, I wrote in Jewish. That is because Jewish is the right language for the sweatshop. Not Hebrew- too elevated. Not French- too refined. Not Polist-too robust. Only Jewish could express a tailor’s thoughts in America, working with his needle. (Page 69,70; Number our Days, Barbara Myerhoff)
Remembering Father’s Day Walk-Malta 2012
This conversation in Rutherford – Maple, Greater Toronto Area reminded me of a walk with a senior of the Maltese Indian community in 2012. He graciously invited us for lunch, recalled his family and community journeys from India, East Africa to Southern Europe and how things have evolved over the decades. Every journey has its surprises. After a session of Yoga at the Community centre at San Gjwann, we went for lunch at Valletta and then he took us for a walk through a cemetery where some of the community elders have been laid to rest.
Malta-2012
Readings and Reflections-Connection with Culture and Community:
Kariya Park-Mississauga-June 2025
A Teacher’s Prayer
The boy who was once demoted to grade 3, eventually became a teacher, and influenced many lives. Apart from teaching many about the steps of recovery, he also gave me the gift of a Teacher’s Prayer.
“As a teacher, I can influence the lives of students. So I have to take extra care. One remark can do a lot of damage to a teenager already struggling with self-esteem and confidence issues,” he told me as we ended our lunch meeting.
We will meet again.
You can download Lizard Worksheet here-
Candlestick Counselling and Psychotherapy Services 